Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
