i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
