he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
