You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Are we still banned from the library?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
