i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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