i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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