Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
