Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
