OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
