Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
