nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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