"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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