So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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