I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
