Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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