First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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