I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
bring money and cleavage
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
