she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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