Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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