Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
