i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
