Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
