do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
