The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
