I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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