He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
