just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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