i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
