ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
