I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
