So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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