im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
