Do you still have your period?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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