I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
