Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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