never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
