I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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