Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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