so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
