Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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