I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
