it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
