Where is the hickey?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
