nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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