I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
