I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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