I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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