The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
