People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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