She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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