smell my finger.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need to calm my uterus...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
